Go To Your Room!

The Headmaster has observed that no two school days are alike. It isn't entirely clear what the variables are, but some combination of food (or lack thereof), drink (or lack thereof), drugs (or lack thereof) and sleep (or lack thereof) - on the part of the students and the Headmaster - conspires to set the tone for the day.

Some days, ain't nothin' workin'. No one is focusing, and everyone is pissed. Only chemistry can fix that situation, and on those days you'll find the Headmaster checking the inventory of the laboratory's chemical locker. Fortunately, we don't have too many of those days. Usually someone is on the ball, and that's enough to build on. But when one of the students is completely zoned out, what to do?

Back in the "Real World", with 20-30 students, teachers simply can't stop to deal with this situation. If the teacher did stop to call one of them out or put them on the spot, that student invariably emerges from the confrontation as a hero to the rest of the class. Therefore, as the student, you are allowed to let your mind wander to whatever happy place it seeks; you're permitted to check out. Sure, it eventually catches up with you, and you pay the price. But for today, in the here and now, relaaaaax - go ahead and check out.

This real world method - putting the decision in the student's hands - has its advantages and disadvantages. Over the long run, hopefully the student learns to temper his/her distractions. They'll learn how to overcome them and stay focused. This certainly promotes responsibility. Of course, it can also be disastrous. Too much time goes by, too much material is missed, and the parents might not even be aware until its too late. Back in the day, the Headmaster certainly attended his share of remedial math and english classes.

Can you imagine if parents could see how their kids behaved in class? What if, for example, a parent could navigate to the class webcam and see their kid snoozing with his head on the desk? Talk about getting cut down at the knees when you arrive home and walk through the door. Or even better, what if the parents were watching from behind a two-way mirror? Think of the embarrassment of having your mom march into your class and whack you on the back of the head.

That's why, here at the Academy, things aren't quite as simple as the real world. If a student is permitted to check out, chaos rules. Sure, the teacher knows the student is distracted, but so does the parent. And the parent can react immediately. That poses a unique problem for the Headmaster, since he shares both roles. And around here, we do assume roles. We've been role-playing since the very beginning, and we continue to this day. Dad gets them ready for school, then kisses them goodbye and waves as they walk around the corner to the classroom. The next person to enter the classroom is the Headmaster.

"Good morning students."
"Good morning teacher."

Is that weird, or what? Somehow, it helps us shift our paradigm from parent/child to teacher/student. And they will call me "teacher" for the duration of the school day. When classes are over, they'll exit the classroom and head "home". The next person they see is Daddy. And we'll actually talk about their school day.

Sounds great, if not a little strange. But a real problem arises when discipline is required. Usually, the Headmaster can handle it. But sometimes, Dad has to get involved. And the transition isn't always a smooth one. Take yesterday for example. One of the students simply would not focus, and everything seemed to be very funny to him. He began to distract the one student who was paying attention. The poor Headmaster tried to rectify the situation time and again, but alas, he failed. Remember those scenes from "Incredible Hulk" when David Banner would cower behind a bookcase, get transformed, and emerge as a big green monster? Well, its kinda like that, but without the cowering part, and without the bookcase. Its pretty instantaneous.

"GO TO YOUR ROOM!"

Is that bad? Well, of course it is, dumbass. Hey, think you've got a better way? That's awesome, 'cuz the Academy is accepting applications for teaching positions. The hours are great, but the pay sucks.

The Headmaster wishes students came with a remote control. Student acting a little sluggish? Just press the fast-forward button. Got a Ritalin candidate on your hands? Slow-Play works great. Are they getting on your nerves? Hit Pause. Having a rough spot in the day? Press the Skip button and see if it gets any better. Having a particularly GOOD day? Hit REC, then play it back during the review session with the Howard County Review Board.

Hey, when all else fails, just hit the Smart button.

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postscript - When a student of the Academy is sent back to the dorms, there are no video games for the rest of the day. Ooh, that's gotta hurt.