Dumpin' on Virginia

On the 8th of September, 1862, General Robert E. Lee, commander of the confederate Army of Northern Virginia, entered Maryland on a campaign to lure a disorganized Army of the Potomac away from the Capital and defeat them on their own turf. He carried a document titled "Lee's Proclamation to the People of Maryland". In it, he described his army's actions as an attempt to free Maryland from transgressions committed by the U.S. Government, and asked that Maryland consider aiding them in their efforts. In conclusion, he declared:

"This army will respect your choice, whatever it may be; and, while the Southern people will rejoice to welcome you to your natural position among them, they will only welcome you when you come of your own free will."

Needless to say, he went home empty-handed. (Thanks, in large part, to someone in their ranks dropping Special Order 191 for the Union forces to find. Doh!) Of course, it is no surprise that Fredericktown (today's Frederick) gave them the cold shoulder. So there you have it - even though they apparently agreed on point of secession, if not slavery, the two states still couldn't get along even then. And over the ensuing years the Maryland/Virginia rivalry has flourished.

So which is better? Tough to say. Traffic is a wash - the two worst commuter snarls in the area, according to the Metropolitan Washington Council of Governments, are 495 in Montgomery County, between 270 and Conn. Ave, and 395 in Arlington, near the District line. Virginia comes out ahead on Business Growth, due in large part to aggressive tort reform. According to a study commissioned by the Wilson Bridge project, Marylanders have longer commutes, and generally leave for work earlier than do Virginians. According to the Washington Post, Maryland receives more press coverage than does Virginia. According to an independent study, Marylanders pay less in taxes. Virginia executes minors (strange factoid). After the Marriott Corporation was wooed by Virginia and decided to stay in Montgomery County, Casper Taylor, the speaker of the Maryland House of Delegates, said "Our team is red hot. Virginia's team is all shot." So clearly Maryland has the advantage in catchy slogans.

Since I've lived just about everywhere around the Beltway (Alexandria, Arlington, Springfield, Falls Church, Cathedral Heights, Rockville, Crystal City, Huntington, Crofton, Bowie, Highland), and I've worked just about everywhere around the Beltway (Annandale, Shirlington, Marlow Heights, Cherry Hill, Glendale, Herndon, Springfield, Washington D.C., Rockville, Gaithersburg, Laurel, Columbia), I have been on both sides of the struggle. When I lived in Virginia, I bashed Maryland. When I lived in Maryland, I bashed Virginia. And when I lived in the District, I never saw the likes of either, and didn't give a crap.

We've all heard the arguments. [Fill_in_the_blank] has too many drugs and too much crime (check out Va's flag). They pay too much in taxes. There is too much traffic. People there drive like idiots. The roads are confusing. Etc. etc.

In the end, it seems to be a draw. But having straddled both sides of this fence, I feel that there is one distinct advantage that has drawn me to Maryland forever: cops here don't give a crap. I mean, come on! You pretty much have to be hanging out a window firing certain types of automatic weapons to get pulled over. Cops in Virginia are so... cop-like. They're all like "This is the city. Fairfax, Virginia. I carry a badge.". Forget to put your blinker on and you are BUSTED.

And the thing I hate most about Northern Virginia? The "Best In Show" mania they all seem to have with their kids. The competition is FREAKING FIERCE. Whenever we get together with our NoVa friends, its all about junior's accomplishments, the TAG programs he's sailing through, the extracurricular programs he is excelling in, and the college scholarships he is lining up.

Junior is 6.

I show up with my two socially-stunted, ragtag-looking kids, and hide in the corner.

Today I took those kids to the dump for school (actually, we conducted school en-route). Now that's living the life in Maryland. But after talking with the gate attendant, I did take one interesting piece of information away. It seems that all household trash from Howard County's Alpha Ridge Landfill is shipped to Virginia's King George County.

Ha! Take that Virginia!