Tool Time

Many times, in the middle of the night, our dormitory monitors have had to intercept sleep-walking students as they fumble around trying to locate the bathrooms. They walk about aimlessly, yet seemingly with great and urgent purpose - that's the sure sign of someone who desperately needs to relieve themselves, yet cannot manage to understand why the toilet isn't to be found in the kitchen.

And so it was tonight. I, the headmaster, was in the kitchen watching my daily.. well, Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Suddenly I became aware of a presence behind me, and turned to find one of the students standing there, staring at the ground with a troubled look, and holding a part of his anatomy in a manner that suggested a prompt visit to a potty was recommended.

I took his hand and led him to the bathroom. On the way, I recalled that earlier in the evening I'd turned off the breaker that controls the bathroom lighting circuit. I was rewiring a switch, and hadn't finished the job. Poor thing, I thought to myself. He'd probably gone into the bathroom and found that the lights weren't working, then came looking for me. I escorted him into the bathroom, and then discovered that I'd left a pile of tools on top of the toilet seat. "Ha! Sorry buddy!" I said, as I reached down to pick them up. The poor guy might even have made his way into the bathroom, only to find that he couldn't use the toilet because of all the tools on top of it.

As I scooped the tools up into my hands, the reality of the situation hit me...

He hadn't so much come to me to ask for help going to the bathroom, as much as to inform me that he'd just pissed all over my tools.