Big Night

Alas, there is no time for a REAL post. But I desperately needed to check in and write something. So here are some of my thoughts as I quickly check today's headlines.

I was perusing the headlines on the CNN home page this morning - Iraqi Pres. has stroke, Iraqi Vice Pres. is wounded, Cheney warns Pakistan, Bush plans Iran bombing, 41 killed in Iraq University bombing, etc, etc. With my mouse-pointer passing slowly over each headline, and a trigger-finger over the mouse button, a little voice inside my head was going "Wait for it... waaaait for it... w-a-i-t... waaaaiittt.... THERE!" I clicked on the video headline: "Pillows Fly in Massive Free-For-All". I mean, who could resist watching naked women have a pillow fight on the beach?! Let me tell you, I was sorely disappointed. I had to recheck the home page twice - I could have SWORN I saw the words "naked women" and "beach". Instead, the video featured a shirtless, hairy, fat guy in biker shorts. I moved on to more important headlines: "Beyonce: SI's Swimsuit Cover Model".

The Oscars have apparently provided much-needed relief from tonsorial headlines about Britney "Shears" (heh, heh). Of course, there never were any REAL stories about the event - only non-stop stories about other news outlets that were shamelessly running non-stop stories. I mean, really! Talk about LAME - covering something that you deem "beneath" you, by poking fun at someone ELSE covering it. It just... hm.. um, let's move on.

So I guess the Oscars were on last night - of course, I would never watch such silliness. Well, I did manage to catch just the beginning. Is it just me, or does anyone else think that all the male leads are trying WAY too hard? Those imitative facial mannerisms and voice inflections that Cruise and DiCaprio use are really starting to get on my nerves. Whatever happened to REAL male leads like Gary Cooper, Clarke Gable and Gregory Peck? Dammit! Now their imitative facial mannerisms and voice inflections were REAL.

So Scorcese finally won. At least, that's what I hear - Like I said, I only watched the beginning. There is just something about that guy. I can't watch him without thinking he's going to break into a standup routine at any moment. Still, it was a great acceptance speech. At least, that's what I hear.

Hey, here's a ground-breaking headline! (no pun intended. seriously.) The coroner associated with the Anna Nicole Smith saga is trying to convince people that they should get the body into the ground - quickly. I mean, hasn't it been weeks? Does this guy really have to convince people? And then there's this drama over paternity and custody. I mean, married men are stepping forward, claiming to be father of the child. ReallY? 'Cuz like, I didn't even know you could do that. I'm going to have to rethink my whole paternal strategy. First, I guess I'd better run it all by the Headmistress, just in case she isn't familiar with this new social heteronormativity.

Anyway, you know you're in trouble when there's a nasty battle over your estate, and a guy named Howard Stern appears to be your only voice of reason. So now all these tourists are flocking to the Bahamas, where Smith will eventually be buried (presumably, just as soon as she's finished with her decomposition). I seriously don't know why the rest of the world doesn't like us.