DIY - Warning Strong Language

Several thousand years ago, back in a former life, and under the rule of a former wife, I attended a PTA meeting. The featured speaker was a child development expert. She said something that has stuck with me to this day: "Never do for your child what she can do for herself." I remember making a mental note to always have baby girls. That didn't turn out so well.

Seriously, this is a very hot topic at the Academy. As in, the Headmistress does things her way, and Headmaster gets all hot about it. We come from opposite ends of the spectrum. On her end (that would be the wrong end), you do EVERYTHING for your kids. You protect them from all bad things. You smooth out all the bumps. You take on and solve all their problems. On my end of the spectrum (ie: NOT the wrong end), you do squat for your kids. Screw them - they're on their own. Well ok, maybe that's not quite true. I do occasionally help them count their money when I need to borrow some.

Let me just qualify that last paragraph. See, I could not begin to come close to the Headmistress's level of love, unselfishness and devotion toward the kids, and even, on occasion, toward the Headmaster (source of all the angst in her life). So when I say that I am right and she is wrong, I mean that in the most loving, kind, sincere and gloating way possible.

Recently, my brother Michael stopped to play some darts in a local brew pub in Portland, Oregon. He went into the little gift shop and picked up a copy of a brewing magazine. He was startled to see that the grungy-looking person on the cover of the magazine was sitting at the bar. He walked up and tried to strike a conversation. "Hey, how ya doin? Is this you on the cover of this magazine?" The guy looks Michael over, and says "I hope you didn't pay money for that shirt." Undaunted, Michael sits down and continues to talk (he stole ALL my extroversion genes). Turns out the guy was actually the owner of the brew pub. Finally, Michael tells the guy that he has this nephew who is really into beer, and is thinking about trying his hand at home brewing. He asks if the guy would mind signing the cover of the magazine for him. The pub owner gives Michael a pained look. Grudgingly, he says "Sure, what's his name?" "Ryan". The guy takes the magazine, signs it, hands it back to Michael and returns to his beer. Michael thanks him and heads for the door.

He stops to look down at the signature. Here is what it said:


I mean, sure its kind of funny, but this reminds me of why I think its a bad idea to protect your kids. There's a WHOLE lot of crap they're going to have to deal with throughout their lives, and I figure its my job to help prepare them for it. How can I prepare them for it if I do EVERYTHING for them?

Back in our old neighborhood, there were some neighborhood kids who used to come over to "play with J&K". In reality, they'd completely ignore the boys, monopolize their toys, and coerce them into giving them stuff. The past several weekends we've had boys their age come over and "play" with them. And by play, I mean completely ignore your host, monopolize their video gaming system, then head out the door with their video games and memory cards stuffed in your pockets.

See what I'm saying? I worry that homeschooling is a bad form of protection. I mean, sure, I love that they don't have to endure getting bullied, pushed around and pressured into deviant behavior (gosh I miss school). But I worry that they'll be unable to handle themselves when they run into the harsh reality of the world.

I dunno, maybe I'll start bullying them and pushing them around.

J&K have an adult half-brother. He's a great kid (or person, to be more correct): good natured, humorous, kind, and honest. But to me, he seems completely unprepared to face the world on his own. Which is probably why he hasn't. I mean, why should he? He's got everything he needs, has no requirements or responsibilities, and no one to pressure him into getting OUT THERE.

With the younger boys, I tend to make them do EVERYTHING. Got a question? YOU tell ME the answer. Need a snack? Help yourself. And clean up your mess. Don't understand how something works? Read the instructions.

Sometimes I feel like I'm doing the right thing, but sometimes I think that eventually they'll grow to resent me. They'll shut me out at some point - stop asking the questions; stop interacting with me.

Hm..

Maybe then I'll be able to get something done around here.