Thursday, September 02, 2010

Lorton Country Has "Qualities"

Today the Headmaster was surprised to learn that he lives in "Lorton Country". Kyle Lorton is the "fiscally responsible" "family guy" who "has ethics". (Picture Chris Farley doing Bennett Brauer here) Sure, Lorton may not be "camera friendly", and he may not "wear clothes that fit". Yeah, he may "lack hygenics". And he doesn't "own a toothbrush" or "let his scabs heal". But dammit, he "can win!"

Seriously, is that the best they can say about this aspiring state senator - that he's a "family guy"? We're not sure what that means, beyond the fact that he likely "has family". The Headmaster also has family, but we don't recommend voting for him anytime soon. And can we define "fiscally responsible"? How about: "I'll fund the things I want to fund, and not the stupid things THEY want to fund". Sure, the Headmaster would love to fund a Ferrari in the driveway and think himself positively responsible for doing it. But the Headmistress might beg to differ.


And don't even get us going about "has ethics"! It's like having a friend set you up on a blind date -- "Really, you'll like her - she has looks!"

Ah, but now we see from whence this tepid endorsement springs. Probably from the bottom of a growler of Fordham Copperhead Ale.

We thoroughly enjoyed the following excerpt on Mr. Lorton's official website:

"I will not compromise on principle, but... I will work with anyone who will work with me."

Sounds like a nice way of phrasing the Headmaster's motto: "My way or the highway."


Anonymous said...

Don't forget you do have a choice in both the Primaries and in the General elections. Jody Venkatesan is running as well, check him out at


Jim Chandler said...

Gosh, then I'd live in "Venkatesan Country".

That just wouldn't make sense, since his website proclaims "No matter what anyone says, this is YOUR country!"

The Headmaster is confused.

Anonymous said...

What I am saying is that you don't have to live in any one particular's country- because this is truly our country!

Does that make it clearer?