Saturday, October 13, 2007

Feets Don't Fail Me Now


A member of the Academy's faculty completed the Baltimore Marathon this morning. The entire Adademy is appreciative of his ambition and dedication, and basks in the glory that his accomplishment bestows on our institution.

Erstwhile runner that he is, the Headmaster longs for such an experience. There is something primal about running - it is a part of human nature. In Plutarch's On the Glory of Athens, we learn something of the Battle of Marathon, which some scholars cite as a pivotal battle for Western Civilization. Plutarch relates that a Greek soldier was sent from the town of Marathon to Athens in 490 BC to announce that the Persians had been defeated. It is said that he ran the entire distance without stopping and burst into the Senate exclaiming "Νενικήκαμεν!" Whereby he promptly collapsed on the Senate floor and died from exhaustion. In the gallery, someone presumably thought "Dude! Now that would make a great sport!"

Certainly, long-distance running predates this unlucky soldier. After all, mankind has been distance running since the stone age. Still, the Headmaster can't help but reflect on the wonder of running 26.2 miles in this modern age, without some motivating factor equal to the fear of being caught and eaten alive. Perhaps when they come out with something called the "Jurassic Marathon", he might have a shot at actually completing one.

To anyone who might organize such an event, it would be very convenient if the finish line could be located in the waiting room of an orthopedic surgeon, whereby the Headmaster could cross said finish line, proclaim "Νενικήκαμεν!", and promptly have both knees replaced.

4 comments:

CAN said...

Congrats to Ryan! He doesn't look any worse for the wear. Ya know, we're not all cut out to be marathon runners...some of us are better suited for other sports, say five and 1/2 hour baseball games or triple OT football games. Not playing in them, of course, but kicking back and resting those rusty ole knees, gnashing our teeth and consuming various unhealthy snacks and beverages (remember Sex and the Pity!). Hmmm...maybe a run's not such a bad idea after all...but forget the marathon madness. Maybe just a short run, say 8 or 10 miles?!

Jim Chandler said...

How about running to Boston to escort Eric Gagne back to Texas?

CAN said...

I had to visit the University of Google to refresh my memory of the rancor between Gagne and Sox fans.

I'm cracking up laughing as I read the following report:
"When pitching plague Eric Gagne was called on by Terry Francona in the crucial 11th inning of Game 2 of the ALCS, Gagne seemed to have a look on his face that said: "Who, me? You serious?"

"Out he trotted and Fenway Park collectively lost its lunch knowing what was going to happen next. The only thing missing was Gagne carrying lighter fluid and matches. Or a swarm of locusts. The game lasted 5 hours and 14 minutes which is a lifetime whenever Gagne takes the mound. You've heard of dog years. There are Gagne years. Poof! Up went the Red Sox in flames with Gagne serving as the usual ignition source. The science geeks call this instant combustion.

The massive, filthy, unexplainable, disgraceful choke job by the Red Sox was ignited by Gagne who in 1/3 of an inning allowed one hit and two runs, or as they call that in these parts whenever Gagne pitches: Wednesday. "It certainly didn't end like we wanted it to," said Francona.

Which part didn't exactly? The 13-6 loss or the part where every fan in Fenway committed ritual suicide once Gagne came into the game?"

Anyway, I'll stop right there. I kind of got a clue as to many Sox fans opinion after reading this, well-written, passionate, and certainly unbiased report. :-)

Hey, if I could, I would for you, man. I'd drag his rusty ole butt right back to whence he came (Texas, you say?). And I'll figure out a way to do it...if you could just pretty please, restore my Tigers from their current #5 to their previous #1 ranking.

If we could turn back time...

Jim Chandler said...

If I could turn back time, I'd have a full head of hair. Then I wouldn't give a crap about Eric Gagne ;^-)