Schools Without Walls

Oooh, yummy - a rainy Saturday morning. Isn't it great to wake up to the pitter-patter of raindrops on the roof? It puts one in the mood for the tallying of walls. Seriously, the Headmaster got out of bed this morning and promptly counted the number of finished walls at the Academy. Clearly the Headmaster operates on a higher plane, but it may be that his right dharma eye has veered slightly off course.

At this point, the astute reader will ask what, exactly, constitutes a finished wall? Perhaps the most concise definition will simply be one that don't need no more fixin'. But by that definition, in some parts of Howard County studs and insulation will do nicely, whereas in Clarksville we'd need to factor in Vivienne Westwood wallpaper procured by our trophy wife.

Therefore, a slightly more narrow definition is wanted. Let us propose then, for purposes of rainy Saturday morning tallies, that a finished wall is defined as a plane in space that a) projects a smooth surface to the eye across the entire plane; b) provides for a smooth transition to adjoining planes; c) is 100% covered with a continuous coat of paint in one color; d) is bordered top and bottom with appropriate molding; and e) supports no artwork from Ikea.

(Note: we could go on and on about the definition of "appropriate molding" with discussion of proportionality and muted highlight colors, but that's a topic for another day - in the meantime do please try to contain your excitement)

So, how many walls in the Academy fit that proper definition? Exactly four, as it turns out. And we ditched all our Ikea artwork long ago after seeing it featured in the cult-status film "The Room", but that's a sordid tale that is best left untold.

When expressed as a fraction comprised of percent-complete over time, and then contemplated under the weight of seemingly endless rain (when will it STOP ALREADY!?), these results might have the effect of inducing paralyzing depression. But that's before we account for the fact that those four walls do not technically belong to the Academy in the strictest sense - they belong to a tenant who rents them (here, we'll use the term "rent" in the most liberal sense). So it appears that Browns Bridge Academy has taken the homeschool concept of "schools without walls" very literally, since in fact the only way to express the quantity of finished walls at the Academy is by using a number that is a whole number but not a natural number.

{pause for effect...}

Haha! Hahaha.. ha.. aha... aha.... ahhh, homeschool humor. That's a good one.

Er, where were we? Oh yes, our poor Headmaster. He is back in bed, with the covers pulled up over his head, and we think it may take something stronger than Naproxen to coax him out...