Dear God:

As church signs go, this one ain't bad. The Headmaster is amused by the double-entrendre of the expression, and even of specific words within the expression. Very clever.

This sign leads the Headmaster to ponder the whole concept of prayer, and of communication with God in general. There is no accounting for it. Well, at least, there is no accounting for it unless you're using the accounting methods of Enron. Which reminds us that Enron CEO Jeffrey Skilling once reflected from his jail cell that "We were doing God's work". Hm... How'd he know he was doing God's work, without having had some communication with God? Probably email.

To: God
From: j.skilling@enron.com
Date: Wednesday, August 8, 2001 10:06 pm
Subject: Ongoing Operations

God - we're employing questionable accounting methods in order to continue fleecing investors out of billions. Do you want us to proceed with this work?

Regards,
Jeffrey Skilling, CEO Enron



From: Mail Delivery Subsystem
To: j.skilling@enron.com
Date: Wednesday, August 8, 2001 10:06 pm
Subject: Returned mail: see transcript for details

----- The following addresses had permanent fatal errors -----
[God]
(reason: 550 Host unknown)


To: God
From: j.skilling@enron.com
Date: Wednesday, August 8, 2001 10:07 pm
Subject: Fwd: Ongoing Operations


I'm taking that as a "Yes".

Regards,
Jeffrey Skilling, CEO Enron




But wait, following the collapse of the highly-leveraged derivatives market and subsequent taxpayer bailouts didn't Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein also claim he was doing God's work? Taken at face value, that perspective seems entirely whacked, but then I suppose one might argue that literally everything we do - whether good or bad - is God's work. Sitting on the toilet this morning, leafing through the Headmistress's Soma Intimates Catalog, I was doing "God's Work". And who could argue that the woman modeling the Brianna Lace Thong with Unlined Lace Cami Bra wasn't doing God's work?

[crickets chirping]

I thought so. But I digress...

Where were we? Ah yes, accounting. How do we account for a personal God who answers prayers and communicates with his creations? Here we have a person living in utter misery, praying for food or medicine for her children. It never comes. Why has she been ignored? Is it because she is bad? Is her faith lacking? And here we have another person living in relative luxury, praying for a winning lottery ticket so he can quit his job. After all the excitement of hitting the numbers, this new millionaire states "God has answered my prayers!" Hm... Could it be that God is having difficulty sorting his "Inbox"? Maybe the suffering mother's message got lost between advertisements for discount Viagra and Russian brides. Maybe our "personal" God needs a personal Assistant.

These thoughts run through the Headmaster's mind anytime he is tempted to "pray". How can one pray for anything, knowing the suffering that exists throughout the world? What could I possibly pray for, other than to end all suffering? But then, how do I plead with God to end that which He himself created? In fact, how can I ask God anything, unless it's to determine why there is such suffering in the first place, and why the prayers of the suffering should be ignored while prayers of the clearly advantaged are answered?

A person I know prays constantly. He literally prays for hours each morning. Whenever there is occasion for prayer, like at a funeral for example, he is always called upon to step in with prayer. He claims to have a "personal" relationship with God. I remember once he went to the airport to catch his flight home, but when he got there he realized he'd missed his flight - he thought his ticket was for Monday when it was actually for Sunday. After changing his tickets, he waited for hours for the next flight. They ended up bumping him to first class and he got to wait in the first-class lounge. He told us that it was God's intention for him to miss his flight, so that he could fly home first class. Hm... So God intercedes on behalf of our travel arrangements, even while millions suffer unspeakable living conditions?

The Headmaster just can't work it all out. Is God toying with us? Let us pray for answers.