Reese's Fecal Matter Cups...

...Now in convenient bite-size piecesfor those "On The GO"!



With unemployment hovering near double digits, job market trends continue to buck tradition. According to a 2009 CNN Report, Hunter-Gatherer jobs are the among the top ten emerging careers for 2010. And so there is hope for graduates of the Academy. That's why we encourage their fascination with shows like "Survivorman", where host Les Stroud navigates the globe in search of the perfect destination to spend 5 days and 6 nights. Think Expedia is cheap? Les Stroud can book your accomodations for free! (provided you don't mind eating animal feces on occasion to boost your caloric intake)



The incredible thing about Survivorman is that Mr. Stroud has no crew - he is completely alone in these hellish places. What's more is that he films the ENTIRE show on his own. For anyone who's seen the show, it's a marvel to behold: here's some long-range footage of Les climbing up a mountain, and suddenly you realize he had to climb back down just to retrieve his camera equipment, then climb back up again. It's no wonder he has to eat animal poo just to keep his energy levels up. It's enough to inspire the Headmaster to begin filming his home-improvement exploits. If he only had a video camera...

It is with great fanfare that the Academy announces its 2010 Candy Fundraiser.
But we prefer not to send our students out door-to-door since that would require them to venture outside. It's not that we're averse to forcing them up off their lazy asses seats, but getting them outdoors might require us to go outdoors, and we're busy just now sitting on our seats lazy asses. No, we'd much prefer it if you could just send us the money. This new and innovative fundraising program works like this. Next time you're standing in the checkout line and you reach for a 5-pound Super-Sized Mega Package of Reese's Cups, just picture that long-range footage of poor Mr. Stroud sitting on a rock ledge all by himself eating goat feces, knowing that he'll have to get off his lazy ass interrupt his meal just to go retrieve his camera. Put the candy bar back, and then take whatever outrageous price the store intended to gouge you for it and send it to the Academy.

In the meantime, we'll have to stick with simple still-shots. When you view these before-and-after photos (technically both are "during" photos), consider that the poor Headmaster had to go all the way back and retreive his camera equipment after snapping them.