"Updated 5 br. rancher has charming, large, built-in bookcase in hallway."
Ooh, I love built-ins! The very word conjures up images of solid woodwork with lots of detail. Unless, of course, you're talking about the Academy. Here, built-ins are generally constructed of drywall, particle board, lumber scraps, and cheap, ill-fitting, mismatched plastic molding - all painted battleship grey. Which leads us to Headmaster Pet Peeve #2: Built-ins that are constructed of drywall, particle board, lumber scraps and cheap, ill-fitting and mismatched plastic molding - all painted battleship grey.
This bookcase was quite possibly the worst case of craftmanship in the long, sordid history of bad craftsmanship. It could, and should, be made into a case study for aspiring craftsmen and craftswomen who might be attending craftsschool. I'll take the first crack at breaking it all down. Of course, this is high-level - the instructor can go into much more detail.
1. The base of a "built-in" should never be constructed of a piece of baseboard molding. Especially one that does not match anything else in the house. And please make it substantial - hey, ever heard of proportion? Also, the base should not extend beyond the dimensional width of the built-in unit itself - this gives the impression that the craftsman had an extra piece of molding on the truck, but lacked a saw with which to cut it.
2. Ah, where to begin. First, never, ever, ever use cove molding in casework of any kind. There is a reason it sells for $0.04 a linear foot. Life comes at you fast - you deserve better. Second, all molding should start at point "A" (the point of origin), and end at point "B" (the destination). It should never stop for a break in the middle. This cardinal rule was broken in this case, because plastic molding only comes in 8-foot lengths. Which brings us to the third issue here. Jaysus, do I really have to say it?
3. When you nail shelves to an exposed block of wood, you lose the right to call your work a "built-in". If this doesn't dissuade you, and you really must, at least give it a fresh cut so it doesn't have end-grain stubble.
4. Dude, where did you find this molding? It was obviously milled (from a solid block of exotic plastic) for the sole purpose of covering up mistakes.
5. All electrical fixtures should be... well, fixtures. In other words, affixed to something, rather than dangling loosely from the supply cable. Ah well, at least this one was hidden well enough to escape the painters. Its the only one in the house that was spared. It was also the last to get yanked out, since I didn't even know it was there.
6. Casework should be given a suitable destination, such as a properly constructed base, for example. Also, when two pieces of molding absolutely must meet, give 'em a cozy fit. They'll thank you for it.
7. The base molding should not extend above the base. In this case, I suspect it didn't when the unit was first completed - subsequent sagging of the bottom caused the problem. Look, built-ins shouldn't age the way humans do.
8. This one for extra credit, since you can only see it in the first photograph. Once again, always mind the proportion. The top of this "built-in" bookcase ends with a shelf. In other words, the top shelf of the unit is flush with the surrounding ceiling. In fact, for all I know, the bookcase extends well beyond the ceiling and into the attic. What an ambitious craftsman!
9. Another extra credit item. If you're going to build something, make sure it is sized properly for whatever you intend it to hold - in this case, books. This bookcase is sized appropriately for someone who might own an extensive collection of antique map folios, or Richard Avedon coffee table books. But the average reader's hodgepodge selections of Nora Roberts paperbacks, R.L. Stine Goosebumps series, and the occasional John Grisham hardcover will be so swallowed up by these shelves, that people will be tempted to jam all kinds of things in there just to fill up the empty spaces (one of the prime reasons the Headmistress said this monstrosity had to go).
10. Still looking for extra credit? Forget the bookcase - glueing bargain parquet flooring down over a solid hardwood floor is like covering a granite countertop with formica. You're supposed to upgrade, dummy!
And that concludes our case study in "How to properly construct a built-in", or, "How to market an improperly constructed built-in", depending on how you want to look at it.
Tonight, the Headmaster decided it was time to take it all down. That space is needed to enlarge the master bathroom. Of course, the bookcase doesn't adjoin the master bathroom - that would be too easy. The bookcase adjoins the hallway bathroom. So first we'll have to reconfigure the hallway bathroom in order to get the added space to its intended destination - kind of like one of those slider puzzles. In the end, it will be as if someone pushed in on the master bathroom wall, which pushed on the hallway bathroom walls, causing the hallway bookcase to pop out.
Anyway, work began this evening. Already you can see the improvement...
Unfortunately, the Headmistress wasn't too pleased with the whole operation. A lot of noise. A lot of mess. A whole lot of swearing. And a cloud of fine dust settling throughout the house, like a gentle snowfall after a furious storm.
Guess I'd better start shoveling.
